Memories

jakub-sisulak
Santro cars, big smiles, and the sound of music will always remind me of her,
The girl buried in my memories
Beyond the reach of my heart
When I hear her name
Thoughts of the past hijack my mind
I text her
To see if she has forgotten me yet
To see if she will still talk to me
She does
She talks to me, she just can't love me
I am mad at her sometimes
My fingers clutching tightly all the unfair things that happened to me
I writhe
Unable to move on
Unwilling to move on
But even if it hurts
I can’t keep my mind off her
Like the times when I punch the walls to let my anger out
My knuckles break, hopefully to grow back one day
In the sunlight, I live somewhere else
My mind filled with things I can’t find enough spaces for
But when that sun settles and moon dances in the sky
When our words and laughs flowed so easily between our hearts
It marks that time in the universe when our minds were one
How long will it take for me to be over her?
Even as she slips out of my conscious more and more every day
Even as I forget the moments that I used to spend with her
I still can't forget how I feel about her
In that minute, I hate my memories screaming inside me
Which remind me how easily I made her laugh
how I was the one person with whom she could share everything
how happy she made me feel
But now I hate that I'm not on her mind right now
Santro cars, big smiles, and the sound of music will always remind me of her,
But right now she only reminds me of the pain trapped in my memories.

Photo by Jakub Sisulak on Unsplash

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