This my entry to jilly’s July challenge for completing the poem, Fancy perfume and twirling ribbons by L. Burton from colorfulpen. It was hard and I felt like I went too far away but I hope hope that I kept the direction straight. L. Burton parts are in bold, mine are italicized.
Poems can ring, rise upon sun and moon
or bring momentum to an errant flame.
Maybe it falls face first, mangled too soon
its sound wailing against the sting of rain.
Dawn will singe your senses, set them all free
perform song and acrobatic dances
Cry out in celebration, yours to see
Fly out in to world, no traces.
Bumpy ride on words to world’s end,
Searching and connecting minds, miles away,
Through soul’s resonanting sound,
We stand as one, don’t sway.
Poem can ring, beyond ears and wind
From the flower’s petal, a torrent wind.
Collaborative by L. Burton / Jeren Nazuto.
Wow, your descriptions are so vivid here! I could practically feel the wind.
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Oh! Thank you so much. Your kind words make me happy!
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Lynn started a beautiful verse and momentum and you just carried it to greater heights, love the last line – From the flower’s petal, a torrent wind. – this made me think how something so delicate could have so much strength. Beautiful continuation of the poem J!
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Thank you so much. Praise from you is precious. I always love the thought that it’s easy to be strong when you are, well, strong. It’s another story when gentlness and fragility inspire strength and flowers do that you lot!
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strength in fragility, people see me and feel protective most of the time not knowing I am stronger than I look and can carry heavy burdens for those I care for. we all have strengths, its how we use them and rise above situations that show how strong we are. but I never want to be know as strong, more kind and warm and thoughtful to all I meet. Everyone needs kindness!
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Indeed! Such inspiring and kind words!
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Love the imagery! It *feels* just like collaborating. I especially like: bumpy ride on words, searching and connecting minds, miles away, through soul’s resonating sound, we stand as one. Nice job, indeed.
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Thank you so much! I’m glad you liked it. Thank you for introducing such a fun and tough challenge.
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You’re very welcome. I liked it a lot! And thank you for being up to the challenge.
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I really like the imagery of the final couplet! Slightly surreal… yet very real.
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Thank you! The base she had was wonderful to play with it.
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Bumpy ride on words to world’s end – LOVE that line and the imagery of it! Nice job, Jeren. I agree; this was a tough one!
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Thank you, Jilly! I just love how words connects us all. I do realized now that I have two words with extra letters!
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