So I have this routine. I sit on the spinning chair and look around the mirrors and million mystery bottles and make myself comfortable. Until he reaches my beard with a question, “Shave?”
Okay, A little context here. I love beards. I love to have them and slowly stroke them when I feel sad or pull it hard when I feel crazy. The thing is, I love beards, but everyone around me is not. Parents, neighbors, friends, teachers from middle grade, the stranger I said ‘hi’ the other day. So when he asks that question, I always cave in and say, “Yes”.I could never say,” Nah, Make it a French beard, mate!”
So why am I telling you this? I’m such a hypocrite. I say, don’t worry about other’s opinions, but I let them dictate my actions. I say, worries won’t win anything, but I sulk and cry, from time to time, like a little child. I say I hate long posts, then here I’m, writing a long post, no one have time to read, once a week.
I’m getting to the point, so please be patient. Like I said I could never have that beard. I was afraid of people’s disapproval eventhough I don’t admit it (usually). But I know someone who doesn’t play in to people’s opinion, who doesn’t care about others and what they think, but only care about what he thinks is right.
You might have guessed it, yes it’s my Dad. But there’s something off with this post compared to other Father’s day posts. Because not everyone’s dad is a Ned stark or the Dad’s of all those people who wrote a nice Father’s day post!
So he never cared about other people’s opinion when he knew what he doing was right. That kind of ignorance/confidence is dangerous/powerful. Why? He never cared about other’s opinion, when he shouted at my mother in front of her whole family for a innocent mistake (multiple times), when he fights with people everywhere he go because of a difference of opinion, when he criticize and pressure and stress me because he thinks that’s the right way to raise a child.
Anyway, I still managed to wish him the father’s day, but listen to this, one day later. That’s my form of revenge for years and years of, tough love? Mental torture?, So yeah, take that dad! And also, I love you so much and thank you for everything. I just wish things were different. It would have been nice to not blame my mistakes on him, but to take responsibility for my mistakes. Below is something that I can never tell him, for a million reasons, so I say it here, not because I’m an attention seeking person.
I know I have let you down. I know I am not the perfect son you envisioned to me be. Hell I know, I’m not even close. I wish I could make you proud. But I’m sorry I couldn’t. I just hope you can come to peace with that. Happy Father’s day, Dad! Please don’t be mad at me!
To avoid ending on a depressing note, ready yourself for the biggest news of the century , I finally got that French beard!