I used to mock the movies when there’s a scene where people sometimes choose their friend over their family members. It’s not like I’m anti-social or anything. I just think friendship is somewhat limited. An end stage of strangership. A dead end.
My experiences proved the same. I had one ‘best friend’ every grade. One ‘best friend’ every year of college. I didn’t care to hold on them to them after their due time is over. Neither did they to me. Maybe being a ‘bad friend’, l only attract the same flock.
Back in college, I used to see groups of people, men and women alike, hanging around together, holding a big cardboard cut out (metaphorically) saying ‘Best friends ever’. I used to think why do they pretend. I for once never considered their authenticity but only questioned their ultimate goal. I still think the same.
I do have some good friends (some really good ones who I love), but I could never connect with them the same way I connect with my girlfriend. To be honest, I can never do it with anyone except her, still a part of it would be nice.There are lies, secrets, a lingering doubt questions their every intention. One main reason for that I feel is they are the same as me. Pretending and smiling, the same way I do everytime I look at them from across the room.
I love my friends, but I think friendship is somewhat a swallow concept without room for more intimacy and love. Or Maybe I’m not just capable of it.
Original photo by Zachary Nelson.
Check out his and other amazing works at Unsplash.