F for Friendship

I used to mock the movies when there’s a scene where people sometimes choose their friend over their family members. It’s not like I’m anti-social or anything. I just think friendship is somewhat limited. An end stage of strangership. A dead end.

My experiences proved the same. I had one ‘best friend’ every grade. One ‘best friend’ every year of college. I didn’t care to hold on them to them after their due time is over. Neither did they to me. Maybe being a ‘bad friend’, l only attract the same flock.

Back in college, I used to see groups of people, men and women alike, hanging around together, holding a big cardboard cut out (metaphorically) saying ‘Best friends ever’. I used to think why do they pretend. I for once never considered their authenticity but only questioned their ultimate goal. I still think the same.

I do have some good friends (some really good ones who I love), but I could never connect with them the same way I connect with my girlfriend. To be honest, I can never do it with anyone except her, still a part of it would be nice.There are lies, secrets, a lingering doubt questions their every intention. One main reason for that I feel is they are the same as me. Pretending and smiling, the same way I do everytime I look at them from across the room. 

I love my friends, but I think friendship is somewhat a swallow concept without room for more intimacy and love. Or Maybe I’m not just capable of it.

                                     ~

Original photo by Zachary Nelson.

Check out his and other amazing works at Unsplash

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